Why We Fight
by Moluvsnumber17
Summary: Outmanned and outgunned, certain of death, he kept fighting, because…


Description- Outmanned and outgunned, certain of death, he kept fighting, because…

Disclaimer- All characters belong to Isaac Marion. The first passage is from Warm Bodies.

A/N- I recently read Warm Bodies and I really enjoyed it. One thing I was hoping to see was Perry saying goodbye to Julie. After four or so years together, I thought they deserved a formal goodbye, so I decided to write my own take on how that could have happened.

* * *

_Okay, corpse,_ a voice in my head says, and I feel a twitch in my belly, more like a gentle nudge than a kick._ I'm going now. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for your battle; I was fighting my own. But we won, right? I can feel it. There's a shiver in our legs, a tremor like the Earth speeding up, spinning off into uncharted orbits. Scary, isn't it? But what wonderful thing didn't start out scary? I don't know what the next page is for you, but whatever it is for me I swear I'm not going to fuck it up. I'm not going to yawn off in the middle of a sentence and hide it in a drawer. Not this time. Peel off these dusty wool blankets of apathy and antipathy and cynical desiccation. I want life in all its stupid sticky rawness. Okay. Okay, R. Here it comes._

The voice quiets and I wonder if Perry is gone, truly gone this time. I feel strangely vulnerable without him. It isn't as if he'd been coaching me through every move I'd made in the past few weeks, but it was his memories that had brought me here, led me to protect Julie, to fall in love with her, to save myself. In many ways, I feel like I owe him everything. But what can I do now?

_R,_ the voice says suddenly, surprising me. _There's one more thing_.

* * *

Julie is standing, looking out over the place that has been her home for the past several years. She looks pensive, a little dejected. I know she is probably thinking about her father. I wish it hadn't had to end the way it did. But General Grigio had given up, just as Perry had weeks before. There was no getting either of them back now. Julie turns and offers me a small smile as I approach her.

"I still can't believe we did it," she says. "We found a cure. And I know there's a long way to go, but now there's something to hope for."

"Yes there is," I say. "Julie, there's something I need to tell… you."

"Well, look at you stringing sentences together." Her smile is broader now. "What's up?"

"Perry," I say.

Her smile wavers. "What about Perry?"

"Wants to… talk to you."

"What?" Her eyes widen. "Perry's dead, R," she says.

I nod. "But not gone. Not yet."

Julie looks at me, startled and confused. "I… I don't…"

I try my best to smile at her and then I do as Perry instructed. I let go of myself. It sounds strange, but I manage to do it without much difficulty. At first there is a tingle inside of me, starting at my feet and working its way through my whole body. The tingle becomes a burning sensation. I feel my essence being pulled backwards, and I do not resist.

And then I am Perry, or Perry is me. I am watching from the inside of my own body, but I no longer have control of it.

"Hey, babe," Perry says.

Julie looks as if she might faint or cry. But she doesn't do either. She takes a deep breath to steady herself. "Perry?" her voice is slight, questioning.

His voice is mine, as is his face, but I know Julie does not see me.

I feel my lips turn up into a smile. "Miss me?" Perry asks.

Her eyes are wide with something not quite fear. For possibly the first time since I've known her, Julie is at a loss for words. Instead she just stares into the eyes of her dead lover, her bottom lip trembling.

"You did it," Perry continues. "You saved the world. I should have known you'd find a cure. The way you always went on about a better future, how it wasn't too late. I should have had more faith in you, Jules. Then maybe…"

"Why did you do it?" Julie says, interrupting him. She doesn't elaborate any further but we all know what she means. Why did he go on that salvaging mission? Why did he go there to die?

"I was despondent," he answers. "I was tired. I couldn't see that light at the end of the tunnel anymore."

"You were a coward."

Our head nods. "Yes I was. I couldn't deal with the fucked up world we live in and I wanted out."

"How could you just… leave?" her voice falters on the last word and I know that makes her angry.

Perry wisely chooses not to answer. He expected her anger.

"I knew you were going on a suicide mission. That's why Nora and I signed up. I thought maybe if I was there… Maybe you wouldn't fucking do it. Maybe I would be enough to convince you there was still something worth living for." She breaks off, looking away. "If you were going to die, I wanted to see it. As fucked up as that sounds, I wanted to see it. It's what you wanted, I knew it was. Maybe I was hoping I could finally see you at peace." Her eyes meet mine. "Are you at peace now?"

Perry nods his head. "I'm more at peace than I was in those past few months. I guess I can see things more clearly now."

"You're a selfish son of a bitch, Perry."

"I am. I wish I could have been more like you, baby. I do. And I tried, but my faith wasn't as strong as yours, even from the beginning." He pauses, studying her.

"Why didn't you let me save you?" she asks, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I was beyond saving," he replies, truthfully.

I had been in Perry's memories; I had seen his downward spiral, felt his pain, his hopelessness. I vowed never to let the same happen to me. And I hoped that whatever was next for Perry, he did as he said he would, let go of his despair and truly live.

I see Julie's eyes begin to water and try to will Perry to reach out to her, but he ignores me.

"I read your story," she says.

"I know," he tells her. "I'm glad you finally got to read it."

I wonder now, if Perry had finished his book, if he had thought of the perfect ending, would things be different? Would he still have wanted to die? Would he and Julie have been in that office building that day? Would I have ever met her at all? Would she or I or anyone have ever found a way to save the world? _No_, Perry says to me, _that is why I had to die_.

I hadn't thought of it quite like that. Maybe Perry's death hadn't been pointless after all. It had set in motion something no one, living nor dead, had thought possible.

"You were really with R? The whole time?" Julie asks.

"A lot of it," Perry replies. "Enough to know you have a thing for zombies."

"He's not a zombie anymore," she tells him.

If I could smile for myself at the moment, I would.

Perry laughs. "Touché. But he was until half an hour ago," he says in a teasing voice. "Should we change your name to Julie Necrophiliac?"

"Shut up!" she says, trying to sound angry. But I can see her lips twitching into a smile.

They both stand there a moment, letting their laughter fade into a comfortable silence. At times, I wish I could see all of Perry's memories of her, know her like he does. But I realize that information is not mine to know. This is their story, not mine. _That's true_, Perry says, _this is our story. And it's a long one. You've only read the cliff notes._ I imagine he smiles at me. _But now it's time for your story, R. So make it a good one._

"Where will you go now?" Julie asks after a moment.

"I don't know." Perry turns our eyes to look out over the city. "Somewhere good, I hope."

I feel pressure on my hand and realize Julie has taken it in her own.

"Well, wherever it is, you better not fuck it up."

"I won't," he promises, squeezing her warm hand.

I feel a tugging pressure building from somewhere inside of me and I know Perry's time is almost up.

"It's time," he says to Julie.

Fear flashes across her face and she grips my hand tighter. She is not ready to let go yet. It hurts a little, but I cannot fault her for wanting to hold onto him a little longer.

This time Perry does listen when I urge him to comfort her. He reaches his free hand up to brush away the tear that has spilled from her red rimmed eyes. "I love you, Julie Cabernet," Perry says. "And I'm sorry it wasn't enough."

She doesn't fight the tears, letting them stream down her face. "I love you, too," Julie tells him, and wraps her arms around my body. "You'll always be with me, Perry Kelvin."

He embraces her back and I let myself enjoy her warmth. The excruciating pain I had expected to feel at her confession does not come. Instead I feel a sense of satisfaction and contentment. We are far from the future Julie envisioned, but we are on our way. We will do everything we can, and we will do it together. We have overcome death by our simple act of falling in love. Perry has given me the greatest gift I could have received. He led me to this beautiful girl and now he is letting her go, trusting me to take care of her. And I will.

"I think I finally finished my book," Perry says.

Julie looks up at him, raising an eyebrow, but she doesn't speak.

"Outmanned and outgunned, certain of death, he kept fighting, because… even in the darkest hour, _her_light still shone bright. And in that light there was hope… for a better world… a better future. We fight not for ourselves, but so that those who come after us, do not have to."

"It's perfect," she says, sniffling. And I have to agree that it is.

Perry smiles and leans in to place a kiss on her cheek. "Take care of the corpse now… excuse me, former corpse."

Julie smiles. "I will."

The tugging becomes stronger and I feel a pull, something deep inside.

"Goodbye Julie."

"Goodbye Perry." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.

_Thank you_.

I am me again and Perry is gone, really gone this time. I breathe in and relish in the feel of my heart beating. My arms are still around Julie and I give her a gentle squeeze. Her eyes open and though they are still rimmed red, she is no longer crying.

"Welcome back, R," she says, putting her head on my shoulder. "Thank you. I didn't realize how much I needed that. We never really got to say goodbye."

"You're welcome," I say.

We stand there for a few minutes, holding on to each other, both lost in our own thoughts. I don't know what is next for _us_either, but whatever it is, I am ready for it. The first chapter of our story has been written, but this is only the beginning.

THE END


End file.
